Clearing my mind and notebook while realizing that MLB freaks may never run out of statistical oddities they can name after learning what constitutes an “immaculate inning:”

Driving skill

Some guys, like German golfer Marcel Siem, really do have all the luck.

Siem recently won a 2017 Porsche Panamera Turbo Sport Turismo when he made a hole-in-one on a par-3, 170-yard hole at the Porsche European Open in Hamburg. Not only that, his tee shot made a “slam dunk” landing into the No. 17 hole at the Green Eagle Golf Course.

The car is valued at $150,000, which was a nice complimentary prize considering Siem finished in a tie for 60th and took home a check for only $5,700 for his overall golf skills for the week.

But here’s where his overabundance of luck comes into play. Amazingly, this is the second time Siem’s driving ability on a golf course has awarded him something he could drive off the course. In 2014, he made his second shot on a par-4 hole at the Nedbank Golf Challenge in South Africa to win a Volvo V40 T5.

A check of Siem’s sponsors shows there’s not a car manufacturer on the list, but Porsche should act quickly to do something about that.

Real Fake News

Orlando Sentinel sports columnist Mike Bianchi will moonlight as a ringside manager for a Global Force Wrestling show on Aug. 17, squaring off against fellow 96.8 FM sports talk radio host Brandon Kravitz.

Bianchi admits to being a lifelong pro ‘rassling fan, which is another way of saying he was dropped on his head as an infant, but he definitely has the gift of gab to do the job.

“As Dusty Rhodes used to say, ‘I am the tower of power, the man of the hour, too sweet to be sour!’” said Bianchi.

Bianchi is an industry friend from my Florida days, and I’ve frequently used his column quips in this blog, so here’s hoping he isn’t blindsided by a folding chair.

 Headlines

Fark.com: “NCAA rules player ineligible for making money on YouTube as NCAA makes money off player.

TheOnion.com: “Kirk Cousins draws up cap-friendly contract extension in dirt.”

SportsPickle.com: “District attorney clears Alabama football players of all future charges.”

TheOnion.com: “Dale Earnhardt Jr. submits paperwork for gas reimbursement.”

TheKicker.com: “USPS inducts Karl Malone into Mailman Hall of Fame.”

 Uber opportunity?

Despite the Chargers decision to move north to Los Angeles, quarterback Philip Rivers is keeping his home in the San Diego area and says he will hire a driver to take him on the nearly 90-minute commute to work.

At least that’s the plan this season.

The 13-year veteran said he wants to keep things as normal as possible for his wife Tiffany and their eight children, so he is reluctant to uproot them from their home in Rancho Santa Fe, which is just north of San Diego.

To take advantage of all that commute time, Rivers said he will create a mobile quarterback room with televisions for film study while he leaves the driving to someone else.

Still, he might should consider having his agent negotiate a mileage reimbursement bonus into his next contract.

 Late Night Sports

CBS comedian James Corden: “Hospitals in Chicago have seen the number of baby deliveries double this month. Which would be remarkable, until you realize that’s exactly nine months after the Chicago Cubs won the World Series.”

NBC comedian Seth Myers: “A pair of New England Patriots players were kicked out of practice this week after getting into a fight during drills. Wow, even the New England Patriots hate the New England Patriots.”

ABC comedian Jimmy Kimmel: “We have the Olympics in 2028. Only 11 more years, and then volleyball! I feel like between climate change and Kim Jong Un it’s optimistic to think we’ll still have a Los Angeles in 2028.”

 High hopes

Looking to get on the cutting edge of pain management, the NFL has written to the NFL Players Association in hopes of working with the union to study marijuana as an option for players.

The league currently suspends players who test positive for the drug but did increase the threshold for what constitutes a positive test for marijuana to 35 nanograms per milliliter.

In other news, running back Ricky Williams has announced he is coming out of retirement.

They said it

— Brad Dickson of the Omaha (Neb.) World-Herald, after Cowboys D-lineman David Irving lost a nipple ring during practice: “You think athletes feel stupid down on all fours looking for a lost contact lens?”

— Janice Hough of LeftCoastSportsBabe.com: “Alabama football coach Nick Saban won’t suspend Da’Shawn Hand for his DUI arrest last weekend. Saban says it’s because his potential starting DL was found asleep in car & not actually driving when police found him.
Well that and the Tide open against Florida State.”

— RJ Currie of SportsDeke.com: “Cycling’s Tour de France was won by Chris Froome. For North Americans wondering how to pronounce Froome, remember what it rhymes with. Whom?”

— Dwight Perry of the Seattle Times: “The annual preseason rankings are out, and to no one’s surprise Alabama is No. 1 in the SEC, tops in the coaches’ poll and second in the NFC South.”

— L.A. Clippers forward Blake Griffin on Twitter after Houston Rockets GM Daryl Morey said the NBA might be better off scrapping individual awards: “Honestly, we should do away with championships too. … Participation trophies for everybody.”

 Blocked kicker

Not surprisingly, the NCAA has let its rule book get in the way of common sense again.

University of Central Florida kicker Donald De La Haye has been ruled ineligible because he has refused to abide by the terms of a successful appeal to the NCAA that would have allowed him to play football and still profit from his popular “Deestroying” YouTube channel.

Unfortunately, the NCAA nut jobs wanted to micromanage the content De La Haye could have on his channel, stipulating that he could not have any references to being “a student-athlete or depict his skill as a football player.”

Ironically, I guess he can live by that edict now. He’s decided that if he has to give something up, football will be it. After all, the money he makes from his channel is used to help his cash-strapped family in Costa Rica.

“I feel like they’re making me pick between my passion in what I love to do — make videos and entertain, be creative — and my other passion, which is playing football,” De La Haye said.

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